(Two elves and one Hyrulian walk into the theatre with small buckets of ice cream in hand, chatting quietly as the doors slam shut.)

AW: I'm telling you guys; poutine is originally from Ontario!
Legolas: (unsure) I don't know, AW. It sounds french to me.
AW: French-smench. Next thing you'll be telling me is that 'cull-de-sac' and 'foyer' are french.
Legolas: ... (looks at Link)
Link: (whispering) Smile and nod.
Legolas: (whispering) Right.

(The three sit down in their seats. AW takes a huge bite of Baskin Robin's rainbow sherbert and winces.)

AW: Eep! Ice cream headache!
Legolas: Alright AW, what do you have for us today?
AW: Just a sec. (clentches his eyes shut and waits)
Link: ...
Legolas: ...
Link: ...
Legolas: ...
Link: ... uh... are you ready yet?
AW: ... Yes... I think so. (opens his eyes) Whoa, that hurt. Today, we have a fairly recent post of LQ from the GAFF posting board.
Link: GAFF?
AW: Goddawful Fanfiction
(Link nods.)
AW: It's from a pretty long thread originally about a question about a anti-flame war technique of yelling out something completely random to shut up a forum troll. Then it turned on famous LQ sayings, then to porn and LQ; rather disturbing and humourous at the same time.
Leoglas: ... of course.... ...?
Link: (worried) Do I have to?
AW: (reasuringly) Remember what we talked about? We're trying to show you that there's nothing to fear from her. We need the real Link back.
Link: 'What can't kill me can only make me stronger...'
Legolas: Or more mentally scarred...
(AW glares.)
Legolas: (glancing around) ...but that is for the mentally weak. *nervous laugh*

Date Posted: 11:37:16 01/31/03 Fri
Author: Notorious Seeker

AW: (waves cheerfully) Hi LQ!

Subject:  And this is any better?
In reply to: TZA 's message, "Re: Porn for the Lord?!?!" on 11:37:16 01/31/03 Fri

AW: That's just... wrong in so many ways ... wrong I say!

Sin? Roughshod over the grace? And this isn't as bad?

Legolas: (LQ) Let me rephrase my subject line.

Tell me how you're any better then LQ, when you're pratically(pathetically) committing the same acts of sin when you abuse and bash the woman over personal dislikes.

AW: Bashing an author for personal dislikes? No, never really 'met' her before so that has nothing to do with it.

This isn't just about the fic, it's about someone whose own personal life has nothing to do with anyone here, much less on the net itself. And you people sit back and throw stones at her like she's the only one committing any wrong.

Legolas: No... I think they are just refering to what was said in the past that reflects on the speaker... or typer in this case.

Sin doesn't just stop at porn. It also constitutes abuse, harassment, malice etc.

AW: Lying, cheating, hate, lust, ... shall I continue?

Saying that being forgiven only when you prove to sin less, doesn't stop at one person's negligence to stop writing what he/she wishes.

(All three males stare blankly at the sentence. They blink, of course, but they are completely lost for words since they don't understand what was just said.)

It also follows that anyone wishing forgiveness also abides by the same promises to not commit such crimes of other natures as well. You fail to see that LQ isn't the only one committing wrong.

Link: But isn't that a website dedicated to the many committing wrongs?
AW: *nodnodnod* How wrong they are...!

Hypercritically, you people are doing just the same.

Legolas: How so?

I find it laughable that everyone here puts on the do gooder/white knight mask, masquerading as saints to stop one person from
taking on the liberties of his/her freedom, then turn right around and repeat the same acts being sought to stop.

AW: What? Having tiger sex with Link?
Link: Stop that!

How any of you can profess being better, then what you go against what you say, boggles me.

Legolas: Didn't take much, did it?

I cannot believe anyone here could count themselves as being better. You're just preaching to the choir.

Link: The choir has a right to hear the sermon just as much as anyone.

All I see is whining, ranting and obsessing over someone none of you even know from iota.

All: ...
Legolas: "iota"?  ...er... AW?
AW: o_O ... (gets out the dictionary) iota  1. The ninth letter of the Greek alphabet.
Link: ... yes... it all makes sense now... (takes a bite of quickly melting ice cream)

It's sad to see people stoop to such levels of deviousness to find things of material to discuss,

Legolas: So is Elrohir/Elladan slash... or even slash to begin with!
Link: To make things perfectly clear for fangirls out there: Sheik is Zelda in disguise! Not two different individuals for me to 'bond' with!

but this takes the cake.

AW: I like cake.

A pity really.

AW: There's no cake?

Considering that I've semi kept up with this horrific, mangles mess,

Legolas: (LQ) For I lurk.
AW: Who knows what lies in the bowels of the net? The Lurker knows!

I am just completely shocked/stunned to find this still being the hot topic of MB chat.

AW: Pardon my past fandom recognition mode, but .. 'Megabyte chat'?

Where is the end in all of this? Is there nothing else worthwhile in your lives that this meaningless dribble is all you can find as a highlight of the day?

Legolas: Do we have to answer right away?

Has the topic pool really run dry?

AW: No, not really, we're just easily amused by the past.

*Shakes head*

(All take a bite of ice cream simultaneously.)

I've been around for a while now.

Link: (LQ) I love their snack food.

I usually come here to find and read the newest info of web happenings and findings of badfanfic.

AW: (LQ) At first I came to find cheese, but turns out they didn't have any. So I settled for the bad fanfic.

Recently, I've been away.

Link: Uh... do we really need your daily itinerary?

And when I returned, VOLLIA!

AW: (Brando) STELLA!
Legolas: 'Voila' dear LQ. She is even worse at french than you are, AW.
AW: Hmmm?

I find yet, another topic on the notorious LQ and the ranting and whining of how everyone hates her,

AW: On the contrary, I believe that Tilly has mentioned that she loves LQ on several occasions.

how she's mentally instable, how notably RGA her fic was,

AW: Regional Giraffe Association?

(Which undoubtedly has been confirmed, SEVERAL times already. -_-)

Legolas: (LQ) Let me AMAZE you with my RANDOM capitalized WORDS!

and now all this fly by

Link: They're making whooshing sounds!

senseless yet contradictive discussion over her religion and decision to write adult material. Sheez...

AW: Well, the words of 'Christian' and 'porn author' should never be used to describe the same person. Thank you.

What happened to the random topics of GAFF sightings and discussions about the mutilating of recognizable, notable popular fandom?

AW: They're flanking this thread.

This site isn't just about this LQ chick. >_<

Link: (LQ) I talk about myself in third person!
Legolas: (sarcastically) Terrific under-cover work.
AW: Yeah, Tilly saw through her in a nano!

I've grown respect for GAFF.

Link: (LQ) Since they can't link or review 'My Inner Li..' (shudders)
(Legolas pats him on the back.)

Only in its entirety that it lives up to the name it was rightfully given. This place is to discuss bad fic, not the escapades of people's personal lives and what they choose to do outside the modem, and beyond the wires.

Legolas: (LQ) Even if the author made these things public in raged enduced rants.

It's just poor etiquette to indulge in such useless, unrelated topics which are really none of anyone's business.

AW: What happened to "The viewers have a right to know"?

I in reality don't care about or what LQ does off the net.

AW: Drags a Link doll on dates.
Link: (blinks) You're kidding, right?!

It's her life.

Legolas: (LQ) Or.. my life... Oh I'm getting confused now!

Decision of her fic is one, lining up 2 threads devoted to her off-line life and her dreams, are another.

Link: Oh good. She can tell the difference between two topics!

I believe the topic of LQ and MIL has reached its maximum round about limit.

AW: (LQ) It's so unfair that I get all the screen time.

It's getting awfully repetitive to read about the same points and comments said well over a year ago, as well as the recent.

Legolas: (LQ) And the past and the present.
AW: And the ghost of LQ yet to come!

I believe every opinion/POV/comment about LQ has reached a said point of multiple repeat.

Link: And repetitive post.

Haven't you not already touched these bases long ago?

AW: But new people arrive everyday and they must be informed!

Everyone knows she's a famous bad fic author of LOZ lemoness,

Link: Obviously they don't, since they still ask who you are.

and we know of her all out blown rants of the past,

AW: Yeah, I have them on record.
Legolas: Oh please don't tell me we're going to go through them all.
AW: Okay.
Legolas: ...
Link: ...

but frankly, nothing new is happening about this and I do grow tired of reading about it. It's high time to drop this potato and rake

Legolas: (falls out of his chair, laughing) "Drop this potato and rake"? Where does she come up with these?

the net for newer, more amusing material to read and discuss. I for one think MIL has out grown its ranks of being humorous.

AW: But, it's one of the classics! Just like "Crystal Matrix"! I just thank "the User" that one never got completed. Come to think of it... I'm seeing similarities....

It's now only a regurgitated topic that keeps on coming back like the damn plague.

Legolas: Braincell death toll at 5000 and rising.

There are surely much better things to indulge one on?

AW: Like, how many times Link can actually have sex!
Link: Stop that!

Look. I am not trying to haggle anyone here, and my outburst above may seem so,

AW: (LQ) But I've hired Stantler and Waldorf for that.

but I just personally grow sick of hearing about all this MIL mess when so much newer stuff is being left behind to bring back up old, dry news.

AW: Well, if you don't like it, don't read it. ... Oh, I never thought I'd ever say that!
Legolas: You got that from bad fanfiction authors, didn't you?
AW: (cheerfully) Yeah!

I would just like to see something else other the LQ get discussed for once.

Link: (LQ) Give the spotlight to someone else for a few months.

And please, the oddities of her personal life can be left out. I don't care to know, and it's just really bad form to surface, anyway.

Legolas: Speaking of regurgitation....
AW: And rising to the surfaces... heh... (to Link) How are you feeling?
Link: Not too bad.
AW: Heart rate alright?
Link: I believe so.
Legolas: No panic attacks?
Link: (cheerfully)... None!
AW: Great! What now?
Legolas: How about some mini-putt? I really enjoyed it last week.
AW: Alright. I get the green golf ball.
Legolas: No. I get the green golf ball. You got it last time.
Link: How about I get the green ball? I am wearing green after all.
Legolas: And I'm not?
AW: Look at my pants! You can't more green than that!
Legolas: That is not green.
AW: Says who?
Legolas and Link: US!
(Let's just end it here... so, fade to black.)
 

The End


AW: (voice over) It's green from the 80's!
 
 

Credits
"And this is any better?" written by Link's Queen
Msted by Al's Waiter
(msted without permission and HOW!)
Msting concept belongs to Best Brains
                  Legolas and other Lord of the Rings characters belong J. R. R. Tolkien and his kin.
Link and related topics belong to Nintendo... I think... and not to LQ.

Special Thanks to:
the creator of Poutine (where-ever you are!)
Baskin Robin's
The Muppets
 
 

It's high time to drop this potato and rake the net for newer, more amusing material to read and discuss.