The Lay of the Last Alliance

AW: Welcome to Hawaii

Great rings were made in days of old,
Of mithril, steel and of gold,
Each had its own appointed jewel,


AW: And her hands are small you know, but they are her own...

Each crafted by an Elven tool,


Legolas: A tooth pick.

Each glistened in the cunning hand,
Of Celebrimbor, of the land,
Of Hollin, of Eregion.
He was the son of a curséd son,
Of Feänor, whose subtle mind,


Legolas: Such a hot-head.
AW: He would have done well to take anger management seminars.

Caused the light of the trees to bind,
Themselves into those holy jewels,


Legolas: (Celebrimbor) Bind. BIND! Fine, I'll use duct tape.

Whose power was lusted for by fools,
The stars of hope, the Simarils.


AW: (singing) Where can I run, how can I hide the Silmarils...?

Of rings and jewels the singer trills,

Legolas: Tra la la la laaaaaa...

But solemn does his face become,
His voice fadeth and goes dumb,


AW: Dumb dumb dumb dumb DUMB!

He does not tell that evil came,

AW: Richard Simmons does make me speechless sometimes too.

In fair shape, and with the name,
Of Annatar, dark deceiver,


Legolas: Unlike most people (or Maia as this case is), Sauron had the reverse of a face-lift.
AW: Go from fair to foul in three easy steps!

Who from they who were too eager,
Learned the craft of ringmaking,


AW: They sell candle-making kits or make your own lip-balm at my work. Would that do?

Harsh come the voices of we who sing.

Three Rings for Elven Kings and Queen,
Who have both dark and beauty seen,


Legolas: Both occuring right after one of their late-night parties.

Who bless the stars above the earth,
Greatest in sorrow and in mirth.


AW: Oh, please make up your mind!

Seven for Dwarf-lords under rock,
Whose metal work we seldom mock,


Legolas: At least when they're in ear shot.

And nine for mighty mortal men,
Who seek only dominion.


AW: 'Risk' wasn't enough of a challenge for them.

Yet one ring was forged secretly,

Legolas: In Sauron's closet.

To give power over pool and tree,
O’er men, and dwarves, and elven-kind,
With the hideous power to bind,


AW: DUCT TAPE!

All other powers to that one,
In Hollin, in Eregion.


Legolas: (Sauron with the ring on) I can read your thoughts and you ought to be ashamed of yourselves!

For Annatar was Sauron old,
Who before men did deeds untold,


Legolas: He did a strip tease?
AW: (shudders) Thank you ever so much for that mental image.

Of direst cruelty, lust and hate,
After his fiery soul was taint,
By Morgoth, evil of the world,


Legolas: Ah, the tone-deaf Valar.

Whose cloak of hate had long enfurled,
Great elven-kind and weaker men,
Only by angels was he broken.


AW: And then everyone had a piece.

Yet Sauron had his ring of gold,
And sought dominion of old,


AW: (Sauron) I am above the law!

O’er fading elves and growing men,

Legolas: Growing up and up and out and out and up...

His hold on dark forces did greaten,
And war he wrought upon the earth,
And put an end to bliss and mirth.


AW: Some people have no sense of humour.

He lusted for power and pain.
And to gain it he would fain,
Kill all good, happiness and love,


AW: (strikes a pose) I shall punish you!

Blaspheme against the powers above,
And this he did with iron hand,


Legolas: And lead foot.

Yet some resisted, they who fought,
And with their blood was freedom bought.


AW: (scottish accent) FREEEEEEDOM!

Great trumpets raised in challenge strong,
Yew bows were bent, bright swords were long.


AW: Resist... innuendo... reference!

Elrond, lord of grey-elven kind,

AW: Phew! Made it. ^_^

With slender hands did then unbind,
The rich standard of Gil-Galad,
Blue sky with silver stars splendid,


Legolas: Oooo! Sparkly.

Led elves, marching, to their dark doom,
Advancing in the growing gloom.


AW: Gil Galad is an elven king with a big spear...
Legolas: Elrond is a herald with funky eye-brows...
AW: ...together...
Both: ...they fight crime!

‘Neath Elendil did mortals serve,
With shields of white and golden curves,
They marched ‘gainst orc, and troll, and beast,


AW: (giggles) She said 'breast'.
Legolas: No, she didn't. Go lie down.

Marching ever onwards East.

AW: Hey! That doesn't rhyme with 'breast'!
(Legolas sighs.)

And so they fought with sword and bow,
Fighting on plains both high and low,


Legolas: And searching which way to go...
AW: For they moved to and fro...

The air was thick with carrion shrieks,
Of swooping birds with bloody beaks,


AW: Ew...

And then the orcs began to tire,
Pushed by their foes into the mire,


Legolas: And this class, is the birth of the Death Marshes. Get your cameras ready!

They cried for help and help then came,
In a blackened look the same,
That Morgoth wore in battle old,


AW: Only because Sauron lost his pretty face in the ocean, and a new one he wanted was on back-order.

Or so the elven stories told,
He strode along that ghastly plain,
And with his Ring became the bane,


AW: (british accent) The bane on the plain stays mainly in the rain.

Of last united elves and men,
Many noble lives were taken.


Legolas: (Sauron) Yoink!

The fate of Gil-Galad was wrought,
And with his the doom was caught,


AW: (Gil Galad) I got it! I got it! Mine! ... Oh wait.... crap. *dies*

Of Elendil, he too was felled,
The great sword that he did weld,
Was broke beneath Dark Sauron’s sole,


Legolas: And he didn't even need a tetinious shot!

So his pure blood did take the toll,
Of freedom, of one valiant stand,
One last sword stroke for his land.


Isildur strode to face his foe,

AW: Kathy Lee.

And with that sword great deeds did sow,

AW: (rhythem-like) A-certain-sower-sowed-some-seeds-one-sunny-summer-day...

Broke’ Narsil did he hold aloft,

Legolas: Oh, I love playing in a loft. Full of hay and cows below me...

And Sauron surveyed this foe so soft,

AW: (Sauron, thinking) Mortal equals soft and mushy.

Poor mortal flesh to mar and maim,

Legolas: (Sauron, thinking) New toys!

To die like his sire in hideous shame,
Isildur fell. Then Sauron stood,


AW: (Sauron) Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb!

Above his enemy in the mud,
He reached up, struck, cried with hate, and


Legolas: ...a touch of thyme.

Cut the Ring from Sauron’s hand.

AW: (Sauron) That human knew my one weakness... my finger.



Credits
'The Lay of the Last Alliance' written by Elberethia 
Msted by Al's Waiter
(msted upon request)
Msting concept belongs to Best Brains
Legolas and other Lord of the Rings characters belong J. R. R. Tolkien and his kin.

Special Thanks to:

All my fans out there. Yoooo hoooo!


Then Sauron stood/ Above his enemy in the mud,/
He reached up, struck, cried with hate, and/ Cut the Ring from Sauron’s hand.