AW: (snickers) You
know... the pink one!
Gimli: With the lace.
AW: And pretty pearl beads. His other one just doesn't match what he's wearing.
Legolas: Shut up!
"This is bound to get me noticed." Firlomiel muttered under her breath.
AW: (Firlomiel) Crop tops, jean shorts and fishnet stockings just don't blend well in Mirkwood.
She had come up with a 'master plan' to get her noticed.
Legolas: She would shove peas up her nose and try to hit Boromir's forehead.
Maybe not by Cassandra, the most populer girl in school,
Gimli: She was too busy serenading
Legolas from below his window.
AW: (Cassandra, singing) ...but you can't escape my love!
Legolas: (to Cassandra) Shut up before I shoot you!
or maybe not by Alana, grand mischief maker of the first year..
Gimli: She had switched Gandalf's toilet paper for poison ivy.
but certainly by SOMEONE.
Legolas: You know... that one kid in the second row in class? ...With glasses. I think her name is Beth or something. Yeah, she'd notice.
She rounded the coner
AW: Who was putting down pylons for some sort of activity that afternoon.
and ran silently for Legolas' room.
Gimli: When she found out it was on the tenth floor.
Stealing Leggy's bow.
Legolas: Cause everyone knows I leave my room unlocked, especially since December 19, 2001.
Perfect. Now.. to get in there without being noticed. Firlomiel opened the door and silently walked in.
Gimli: And it turned out to be my room.
There really wasn't a point, Legolas wasn't there, his bow was. He wasn't.
Legolas: But my bow was.
AW: Glad we cleared that up... three times.
Firlomiel cursed under her breath, she had wanted to see a sleeping Legolas..
Legolas: If I was there,
she wouldn't have been able to open my door if I was sleeping.
AW: But wouldn't sleeping in the buff just what she would want?
oh well **Just get the bow and get out** Firlomiel though, creeping forward. She saw the delicatly carved bow on the dressing table.
AW: You leave it on your
Legolas: Of course not! I hang it on the wall with my quiver of arrows.
Firlomiel did the first thing she thought of, grabbed the bow and ran
Legolas: You know... if anyone
ever touched my bow from Galadriel, I would track them down and get them
lost in Mirkwood.
AW: Even that's too good for them.
Legolas: (grins) Did I mention that those giant spiders are back?
The next morning everyone, including Cassandra, was thrilled about their first archery lesson. "Being taught by Legolas sure does rock" Alana said, looking around the training grounds, half expecting Legolas to be there.
Gimli: He was too busy fixing his hair.
He wasn't, in his place Haldir was standing, stringing his bow.
AW: (Haldir) All present? Excellent. Now all line up in a row... (places an arrow on the string) ...right in front of the targets. Good, (holds up his bow) noooow don't move....
Which he dropped at the indignent crys from the fangirls, Cassandra and Alana included.
Gimli: And the cries attracted the wargs and Haldir mysteriously disappeared into Mirkwood, leaving the students to their own means.
"WHY is Legolas not here!?"
Legolas: (Haldir) Because he had plenty of common sense to make himself scarce. (darkly) Smart elf.
"Legolas is unable to teach today" Haldir said calmly
AW: (Haldir) He's got the plague.
"WHY?!" "Have you not heard? Some smart person snuck into his room last ngith and stole his bow. Legolas is quite upset"
Gimli: (Gandalf) Legolas,
come out of your room.
Legolas: (sounding about to cry) No.
Gimli: (Gandalf) Well, I tried.
The entire class shot death glares at Alana.
Gimli: Alana died on site.
Funeral at Celeborn's Crematorium.
AW: With the motto "Ye toast 'em, we roast 'em."
But they stooped once
Legolas: And ducked twice.
they saw the suprised look on her face. Alana wouldn't do somethnig like this
AW: She's more along the lines of hanging Gimli's underwear from the flagpole.
"He's offering a reward for anyone who returns it" Haldir said,
Legolas: When really, I'm
going to kill the person who returns it. Just because.
Gimli: (Haldir, muttering loud enough for fangirls to hear) He said something about a kiss or something.
looking at his students, who were now in various stages of chatter.
Legolas: "Stages of chatter"?
Alana, Bev and Lor were huddled togeather,
Gimli: Slapping each other on their butts.
shooting occasional glaces at everyone.
//Probably figuring out how to return the bow\\ Haldir thought, inwardly laughing.
AW: Yup, can't get anything past dat dere Haldir fellow, yup.
He looked over at Firlomiel, she was standing all by herself, with quite a guilty look..
Legolas: Way-da hide your guilt there, sister.
"That's Enough! Your lesson begins!"
Gimli: (Haldir) Your traning
AW: I'm thinking this fic needs traning wheels.
AW: (Whoever) Dr. Crusher...?
Can.. I talk with you?"
AW: (Beverly) Certainly, Lt Worf.
Firlomiel said. **She'll probably ignore me**
Legolas: (Firlomiel) She'll just go on picking her nose or something.
"Sure" Bev turned to Alana, "I'll catch up with you"
AW: (Alana) Katsup? Ketchup? Katsup? Ketchup.... Kats....
She looked at Firlomiel
Legolas: (Bev) Are you my
AW: (giggles) Shh!
"Beverly..You know about Legolas' bow?" Firlomiel said in a low voice
Gimli: (Firlomiel, as a baritone) You know about Legolas' bow?
"What the beautifully
"The one strung with Elven hair?"
Legolas: So it is
my bow of Galadriel. Fangirls heads will roll....
AW: I'll get the sack!
"The really big and long one?"
"Nup. Never heard of it"
AW: (Firlomiel) Oh... alright. Sorry to have bothered you.
"Beverly! Just follow me!"
Legolas: (Firlomiel) Walk
(AW and Gimli mimic Legolas' arm swinging.)
Firlomiel led Beverly to her hutie room.
Gimli: Which was very similar to the loungeroomish room.
She reached under her matteress and pulled out
AW: Several issues of Playgirl. (Firlomiel) Oops! How did those get there?
the bow... Firlomiel opened her mouth to say something but was cut off when Bev
Legolas: Shoved a rag in her mouth, tied her up and ran away, cackling with the bow.
bursted in gales of laughter
AW: Knocking poor Firlomiel over with her bad breath.
"You stole it?" Bev asked, and continued laughing.
Gimli: (Bev) Crime is a riot!
Firlomiel looked taken back, She thought Bev was laughing because it's was such a dumb trick.
AW: Well, yes... but....
And when she left the room and Firlomiel heard a knock on the door a moment later.. she was sure Bev had told
AW: The koolaid man to drop by.
"Come in" Firlomiel said, in a soft a voice as possible.
Gimli: So the people kept on knocking.
To her suprise it wasn't Legolas that burst in full of rage, It was a smiling
Grand Mishief Maker.
"Firlomiel, I have been informed of your little... joke. Stealing Legolas' bow?"
(All three laugh half
AW: Fun. Ny. Joke.
Legolas: (monotone) My sides hurt.
Alana raised an eyebrow
AW: Over her head and placed it next to the brusie.
as she spoke. Firlomiel looked shocked "Yes, I stole it" Firlomiel said, hanging her head
Legolas: In the closet.
"Now Firlomiel! That is no reason to lower your head at such a grand prank!
AW: Cause everyone knows theft is always good for a lark.
I don't think Even Alana could of thought of that!" Lor said
Legolas: (Alana) I must be slipping.
stepping forward. Alana smiled "The mischief makers would be emmensly pleased if you were to join their ranks".
Gimli: (Alana, darkly) We will teach you well.
Was Firlomiel hearing what she thought she was hearing..
AW: The lack of a question mark?
was Alana, The Alana, asking to be HER friend
Legolas: Yes, question marks are certainly lacking.
"I.. I ..would be honered" Alana smiled..
AW: Is that a good thing?
"Good then.. We've got a bow to return and a prize to claim.."
Legolas: Yes, never fear the wrath of an elven prince when one has stolen a prized procession.
Chapter Six: She Likes Who?!!?!
AW: Anyone liking Richard Simmons in any way is just wrong. Unless you only want to loose the weight... then I guess it's okay.
The four of them walked along the corridor towards the staff room.
AW: There may be lions and tigers and bears... oh my!
The corridor was packed full
Legolas: Of packing peanuts.
but when everyone caught sight of Alana, Bev and Lor they moved aside.
Gimli: They moved aside Alana's sidekicks?
Two girls, Sasha and Luimenel were muttereing away in the corner
AW: (Sasha) Uuuuhh... this is some good pipe-weed.
"Hey, aint that Alana?"
"Yeah Sasha, And there's Bev and Lor"
"Who's that girl in behind?"
"I have no idea"
Legolas: (whoever) Alana's new lackey.
"Wonder what's she carrying"
AW: (british accent) It looks like coconuts.
"I wonder what's in it dingbat"
AW: And then she got splashed
with green slop.
(The other two look at AW.)
AW: Sorry. Canadian television* flashback.
"Alana..." Firlomiel mumbled "Are you sure we should do this?" Alana sighed "Positive".
AW: (Firlomiel) Only fools
Legolas: (Alana) Are you sure?
AW: (Firlomiel) Positive. (smacks forhead)...I fell for it!
They stopped at the staffroom door and Alana knocked politly, Haldir opened it
AW: (Haldir, annoyed) Who rang that bell? (normal) ...oh wait... that doesn't work. ...crap.
and immediatly all the people in the corridor leaned over to see inside, unfortunatly, Haldir carefully blocked the way
Gimli: (fangirl) Um... Haldir, like, you make a better door than a window.
"Yes Miss Churchill?" "Professor, We have someone who would like to speak with Le.. Professor Greenleaf"
Legolas: Professor Greenleaf... that has a nice sound to it.
"Who?" "Firlomiel Sir".
AW: (Haldir) Gazuntite.
At this Alana,Bev and Lor moved aside to show Haldir who Firlomiel was...
Gimli: Ta da!
"Firlomiel.. Ahhh yes, I've seen you, What is it you want?" "I have something for Professor Greenleaf"
Legolas: (Haldir) Leave it and get out.
"Hold on then", with that Haldir closed the staffroom door, a few minutes later Legolas emeraged with bloodshot eyes,
AW: Immediately he was tackled
to the ground and smothered by a million fangirls. The end.
Legolas: Why do you hate me?
The crowd all let out
a very soft "Awwwww" "Yes Firlomiel?" Legolas asked politly, sending another
bout of "Awwwww's"
going thorugh the crowd
Gimli: (Awwwww) Excuse me. Pardon me. What is with all of you?
"Professor, I have something that might be able to make up for the loss of your bow.." Firolmiel said, holding up the long and thinish parcel "Thankyou Firlomiel but don't think anything could.." He's stopped talknig and looked at the contents of the package
Legolas: A stick? You suck, Firlomiel.
"MY BOW!!!!! Oh Firlomiel! Where did you find it?!?!" The look on Firlomiel's face was a cross between a guilty smile and a smirk
AW: (Firlomiel) Your bedroom.
"It was hidden in the Beech tree neer the archery range"
Legolas: Exactly where I
didn't leave it.
AW: Lies! All lies! (british accent) Burn the witch!
Legolas smiled, which made half the crowd faint,
Gimli: Crushing poor Awwwww under the weight of it all.
"Thnakyou so much Firlomiel" At this Lor spoke up "Wasn't there a .. um reward metioned?" Legolas laughed,
Legolas: Yes, the reward of instant death! Ahahahahaha!!!
sending the crowd into swoons,
Gimli: But the other half was still unconscience.
"Trust you to think of that Miss Hickson, Yes i'm sure Firlomiel will get extra credit on her report Thankyou"
AW: This story would definitely be a horrible After School special. Getting rewarded for stealing and lying. Shameful!
He turned to go, while Firlomiel just stood there **That's the reward? Extra Credit? I Went to all that trouble for extra credit?!**. Just when she thought Legolas was going to go back inside the staffroom, he turned as quick as a flash, and
Legolas: Stabbed her through the heart.
gave her a kiss on the cheek
Gimli: Yeah! Who called it!
Legolas: You are my psychic dwarf!
"Thankyou so much Firlomiel!". That time he rerally went.
AW: Re-rally? Siss, boom bah?
Firlomiel was still shell shocked an hour later,
Gimli: They had to drag her away screaming away from the staff door.
when the Mischief Makers got togeather in Alana and Bev's Hut thing
Legolas: They're not lucky enough to stay in an actual hut.
"Have I said that I'm never going to wash my cheek again?" Lor sighed "Yes.. 3789 times" "Oh, well then, I'm never going to wash my cheek again.." Alana smiled
Legolas: Thirty years later...
AW: (Firlomiel's husband) For crying out loud, wash that cheek or I'm divorcing you. It's gotten too bad.
"That was awesome.. I didn't realise Haldir was so.. so.. cute"
AW: (Alana) He's so dreamy!
Legolas: One elf to another... big transition.
Lor, Bev AND Firlomiel
looked like she has just said something unbelieveable "Ok, who are you
and what have you done to Alana
AW: (Alana) She's tied up in the closet; I'm actually her clone.
"He is.. I mena he looks just like Legolas, but less fangirls after him.. mor chance for the ones that are after him" Alana replied
Legolas: (Alana) I's been thinkin' 'bout dis fer a while nuw.
"Alana.. are you feelnig alright? Should I go get Gandalf? Aragorn? Arwen?"
Gimli: (Bev) Elrond? Beorn? Wormtongue? Sauron?
Bev asked "No, I'm fine silly!
AW: (Alana) No, I haven't flipped my noodle.... silly.
In fact.. I could even say he's better then Legolas.."
Legolas: One down and... (counts on his fingers) Uh... just exactly how many young teen girls have seen the movie?
As soon at the words "Better then Legolas" Left Alana' mouth Bev and Lor
Gimli: Began beating her
to a bloody pulp.
Legolas: (whoever) Philistine!!!
AW: (british accent) Burn 'er! Burn the witch!
were dragging her out the door and over to
AW: The campus pond.
Legolas: With pitch forks and torches in hand.
Elvea's Hut. Elvea was the one who solved all strange dilemma's.. and this was strange.
AW: (Elvea) Help you I must? Hot Legolas is.
"Yes? Can I Help You?" Elvea asked "El, Alana just said THE most unlikly thing.."
Gimli: (whoever) She decided to have a mind of her own and left the mob mentality.
Elvea looked worried and ushered them inside
AW: (Elvea) Friend of the bride or groom?
"What is it Bev?" "She thinks Haldir is better then Legolas" "Oh Dear...."
AW: Houston, we have a problem.
A/N: I Am So So Soooooo Sorry
Legolas: (author) I apologize repeatedly for this whole story.
I haven't updated in a while.. I've ahd serious writers block,
Gimli: That's what they all
AW: Actually, yes they do.
plus lots and lots of work to do!! So I apologize!!
Legolas: (author) I didn't
AW: Well, that's it. That's all she wrote... literally since she stopped writing and get kicked off of fanfiction.net.
Legolas: Do we have to find something good about this story?
AW: No, I think not. I don't think I have the brain power after that one to think of anything.
Gimli: (sulking) I still feel bitter. Not even one mention. Not one!
Legolas: There friend, but don't you feel even a slight bit better?
Gimli: I suppose.
(AW looks around, remembering something and taps Legolas on the shoulder. Legolas turns.)
Legolas: Yes AW, what is it?
AW: Uh... guys... I just realized something.... we're surrounded by mini-balrogs. You don't happen to have a whole bunch of raw eggs on you, eh?
Gimli: Uh... no... not off hand.
AW: Uh oh...
(Brie taps AW on the shoulder. AW looks and jumps out of his seat in surprise, almost landing on the lap of Valor #6, but lands on the floor instead. Brie hands AW a piece of paper.)
AW: (from the floor) What's this?
(All the mini-balrogs and the Valor quietly walk to the door and calmly burn down the door to get out. Drew shrieks in surprise as they walk out.)
Legolas: (looks as if he's listening intently) I... think I hear some... sniffles?
AW: (gets up and opening the paper) "Dear sir, Upon seeing this piece of writing or lack thereof, we the creations of similar fiction, have lost our future goals in life and must go to find ourselves and find the meaning in mean-ness. Sincerely, Employees of OFUM. PS: Sorry about the cheese." Um... Okay. I guess mini-balrogs aren't that fearsome after all. Who knew?
Legolas: Let us take a longer break between this and the next one, if you don't mind. I would very much appreciate it.
AW: Agreed. ... Last one out of the theatre has to clean up after the Valor!
(All three head for the door full tilt.)
Traning Time by Divana
Msted by Al's Waiter
(msted without permission)
Msting concept belongs to Best Brains
Legolas and other Lord of the Rings characters belong J. R. R. Tolkien and his kin.
Special Thanks to:
Miss Cam of OFUM
*You Can't Do That On Television
Bev trugded into the loungeroomish room. "You are so lucky."