Tinfoil: Not Just for the BBQ Anymore



Upon hearing 'Conspiracy Theory', this Blue One thinks of Mel Gibson's 1997 movie with co-star Julia Roberts, not crazy and  off-the-wall plots thought up by the federal government to keep us happy and in our place.  I'm sure they have better things to do than hide Elvis or anything. But that never stops some individuals from believing every single rumour tidbit of information that they find suspicious, only then to twist them to fit their strange and quirky ideas.

After seeing Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - Special Edition, and watching all the extra features, one gets to know the actors and their strange ways doing things, as well as accents, fears, and their sense of humour. Now, I don't claim to be an expert on the personal lives of entire cast (if any at all), nor do I plan on becoming so, but some fans think they should, do and have become frighteningly obsessed about it to the point where you think 'Are these people even human?'

I'm not just talking about the topic of 'Real Person Fiction', which is just disturbing and wrong in itself, but the whole fact of an individual claiming that they know about the secret life of a celebrity and announce it to the world; somewhere along the lines of the supermarket tabloid papers, but to a greater extent.

What exactly I'm referring to is what has been deemed 'Domlijah'; Dominic Monaghan and Elijah Wood's secret love affair. That's right! They are gay, but are not allowed to 'come out of the closet' because of "evil" public relation people, New Line Cinema and their standards and the reputation they must maintain. I dare editorialize when I say "Puleaze. I'm sorry, but what are these people smoking, and whatever it is, it can not be healthy in any way, shape or form! Where do these people get such stupidity?"

The people with this 'theory' have been deemed "Tinhats" and rightly so.  They say that they have proof of their theory of the union between the two movie stars and will have words of all who disagree with them. Leading this unruly band of lack-brained individuals is one MsAllegro who I have deemed 'Balistic-Banner'. She has a reputation of tracking down people who have posted anti-domlijah topics on her forum and banning their IP address to prevent any further disagreements.

And the proof of their deranged accusations? The fact that they make observations from photos of the pair, twist their words from interviews and the very fact that Dom and Elijah actually go and post on their forum under 'anonymous' and tell the board themselves. Other posters who call themselves 'insiders' say that they know Dom and Elijah and are getting the news straight from the source. They have information on what they call 'shoutouts', which can take the form of what colours of clothing Dom and Elijah are wearing to confirm their genuine gayness to the Tinhats.

Why haven't we heard this before in newspapers, or magazines? The evil PR people have made sure that we haven't and there's even more to that. Sean Astin is one of two 'villains' helping the PR to supress the public's knowledge of Dom and Elijah's love.  But he isn't the only LotR cast to be involved with the cover-up; the magnificent actor Ian McKellen is as well, but not to the extent that Sean is.

But McKellen has said straight out that he is gay and New Line and the PR haven't censored him. Why? "Because he's old and unattractive." Right. So all of Mckellen's gay activistism and efforts for gay rights are proving him a hypocrite now for he is part of a gay-crushing cover-up? Yes. It all makes sense now.

And how could this tabloid love story be complete without a woman to "prove" that Elijah is, in fact, as gay as they come? Franka Potente from the film "Run Lola, Run" was once photographed kissing Elijah. Potente is RP proof that Elijah could never be gay, for he dates women! 'See? He's straight!'

To top the whole thing off, here is the clincher and one that angers me more than anything: Elijah is being compared to Jesus Christ as the "Gay Messiah". When Elijah finally breaks free of the PR people and reveals to the world that he is gay, he will lead all gay actors into a new era of Hollywood as the perfect role model and gay oppression will cease.

Where-ever these individuals are getting these ideas that they truly and deeply believe in, no one truly knows and probably will never know. In my opinion, compared to these Tinhats, Mel Gibson's Jerry Fletcher appears 100% sane and should be given a high honour for his insight of all things. Give the man a metal!